5 Tips to Give your Children Space to Grow

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5 Tips to Give your Children Space to Grow

When you first get your newborn baby in the hospital you’re not fully aware of just how dependent your baby will be. It becomes natural to be needed by your little one, it becomes normal to be one with your child, from the places you go to what you wear (if you’re breastfeeding) all decisions are based on this little human being who just came.

But as they grow older you’re forced to let go and whether you like it or not, you realize you need to give your children space to grow. It sounds a bit scary, doesn’t it? giving your children space to grow doesn’t mean that you remove yourself from the picture but it’s letting go of the parental attachment that is held from birth so that your children are able to thrive and live as confident citizens. 

Every year your child gets a little bigger they yearn for more independence and unless you wish your child to grow up thinking that they can’t do anything without you, you have to be brave enough to nudge them towards the right direction. 

So how do you give your child space to grow?

Stages of your child’s development cannot be handled or progressed through in a single way. Each parent will do their best to raise their children according to their knowledge, experience, and available resources, taking into account the particular needs of each child. When the time comes, the following are some fundamental guidelines to help parents navigate the challenging process of letting go. As you build success at each crucial stage of your child’s development, starting early will help lay a strong foundation.

Here are some useful tips you should try

1. Be less responsive

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Assisting as parents is in our nature and getting rid of that part of us is almost impossible but necessary.  You may think that you’re just helping with the assignments, pouring milk or tying their shoes laces but before you know it you never stop assisting. The problem with over-assisting is that your children start thinking that you must help them with every little thing or they simply lack the confidence of doing it alone. 

Understandably a big part of our job description as parents is to help our children get through their problems. However, a habit of frequently doing for children what they are capable of doing for themselves makes them more dependent on us.

Our main responsibility as parents is to help our children transition from total reliance to total independence, according to Adlerian Psychology, the theory that forms the foundation of healthy parenting. If we don’t, we hinder their development (and make our lives harder).

Encouraging self-sufficiency is not always an easy transition as a matter of fact it may be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do as a parent. It sometimes requires you to remain firm and stern but it will pay off.  It may be tempting to do things for our kids, whether kindly or just to do the job more quickly. But the best advice I can give you is to suppress this desire and promote independence.

Do you ever notice that although your child has legs just as strong as yours, you still get up and head to wherever they are when they call? Lessen your level of reactivity.

2. Teach them how to do things on their own

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Even so, you might be thinking, “How can we make sure things get done thoroughly and effectively if we aren’t meant to do things FOR our kids that they are more than capable of doing for themselves?”

As parents, we fail to equip our children with important life skills simply because we think they are not ready and this happens especially with our firstborns. Children’s inability to tie shoelaces, pack a bag for school, or open a yoghurt tube is on the rise, and this is largely due to parents who do not allow their children to try anything new enough times to fail before getting it right. When they can do it, your job just became a little bit easier, but it is quite time-consuming and frustrating. 

For example, it could take a toddler several tries to properly put an egg into cookie dough or a tween multiple attempts to completely clean those dishes before the child finally gets it. Give your children the space to learn from their mistakes, it may drive you up the wall but once they get it you’ll be more than glad. The best time to teach your kids new skills is when you’re not too busy.

So, plan it for the off-season or another time when life is a little less hectic rather than when you have a lot going on at work or are relocating. It could be learning to cook, do laundry, or plan the logistics of a family sport. This is for toddlers and teens as well. 

Encourage children to take care of themselves as much as possible even if they are only two or three years old. This includes changing their beds, getting dressed, and collecting food from the refrigerator on their own. Additionally, obligations increase logically as children age.

3. Allow them to make decisions

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Give your children the space to make decisions, ultimately you’ll always be the final say however kids are always being told what to do so how do you change that? When we ask children to participate in age-appropriate ways, such as folding their own laundry or tidying up toys, they come to understand that they are an important part of the family team. This boosts their self-esteem and motivates them to pitch in even more to help.

Remind your children that chores and taking care of their environment is not boring but also contribute to their wellness. When you give your children the space to contribute to your family rules and pick ways to make their lives better they learn that they serve a bigger purpose. 

Kids who are given the space to help in making decisions are more likely to complete their tasks on their own. This life skill will not only help them excel in school but also at work and in their personal lives. 

4. Allow them to play 

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Now for the difficult part, which greatly depends on the age of your child and your area. However, parents must move away from “playdates” and toward “free play”. Children need time to establish connections on their own, explore, and do all the wonderful things we did as kids before they get too old and only want to drink a cup of drinking chocolate and binge-watch reality shows.

If you’re parenting a toddler then it would be advisable to take them outside and be present when they’re playing but give them the space to play with other children without telling them how to play every minute unless things get out of hand. Decide on a time of day when your children can play outside with other kids in the neighbourhood if you believe they are old enough and there are other kids in your neighbourhood.

5. Take Care of Your Child’s “Spirit”

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It can be surprising how quickly our children’s personalities develop. Perhaps your child wants to be the centre of attention and cries easily. Maybe your talkative child is just as stubborn as she is cheerful.

Working with these distinct characteristics and traits without defining them is one of the best things we can do for our children’s independence, especially if we want them to be confident in their skills and at ease in their own skin.

We must let go of any preconceived ideas we may have about our children and the people we want them to become. We should refrain from categorising our children to start. Even if we identify a child’s skills or limitations at a young age, we don’t want them to internalise them. For children’s personalities to thrive and shine we need to move away from stereotyping them and avoid giving them the impression that any of their traits are undesirable. 

When children receive positive reinforcement, they spend less time hiding their traits and more time enhancing them. Being fully aware of these strengths will help them make appropriate lifestyle, career, and even partner choices once they are finally on their own. Being needed by our children as parents feel wonderful and even great. 

Don’t worry; you will always be needed in some way by your children. Helping our children transition from being completely dependent on us to be independent thinkers and doers is our long-term parenting objective. It won’t be completed in a day either.

At first, it could seem a little intimidating to teach children to take an active part in their daily life. However, I promise you that promoting your children’s freedom is a gift that keeps on giving.

Also, read Parenting: 10 Things you Should Never Say to your Child