The Unpaid Labour of Motherhood: Why Stay-at-Home Mums Should Receive a Salary

Before becoming a mum, I said things like “Why should stay-at-home mums get paid?” I spoke from a point of ignorance and many times I imagined that all they had to do was stay home and sleep. As girls are raised to become women, this dream is sold to them, the dream is that staying home and taking care of the family was easier because all you had to do was sit tight and look pretty and keep the husband happy. Society glorified women who worked, and women who earned their own money and shunned the mothers who chose to stay home and offered to cook a balanced meal for their families. If you’ve ever had a conversation with feminists depending on the kind if you told them that you’re a SAHM they’d simply give you a pitiful look, I know this because I have given that same look to many stay-at-home mothers. I was brought up by women who worked, and the one time my aunt chose to take care of her child for a few years before going back to work, I remember how everyone barked at her for an insensible decision, however, I remember visiting her and I wondered why she’d rather stay home without a nanny! I concluded that she simply wasn’t ambitious enough, cleaning and child-rearing were not ambitious enough.

Many years later, I am older, obviously wiser and I have a toddler I have to admit that even my weekends and holidays without a nanny were sometimes unbearable. My first three months with a newborn were life-changing, it was in that season that I had a newfound respect for women and particularly mothers who chose to sacrifice their own lives for their children, I noted that it was the ultimate sacrifice and I couldn’t understand how anyone could take that for granted. I realized that the decision to stay at home was for a lot of women not exactly an easy one but a necessary one, the couples who had this choice to make were thinking about raising the next generation yet this same decision that is often made between a man and woman is usually undervalued and unrecognized. Selfish men only think of ways they can save money and if he’s a chauvinist he’ll think he’s doing the woman a favour since he has to pay for everything, yet she pays for everything with her time and labour. You’re still not getting why these angelic women need to be paid?
If a mother was to work outside the home, she’d have to either put her child in a daycare or get a nanny and that is not cheap! It is only a mother who will create a household budget that will not break the bank, additionally, she takes the time to cook different meals in different ways for the whole family, in short, and she’s a chef, a manager and a caregiver. These are three jobs in one and I didn’t even mention the amount of cleaning she does, the laundry, the stains on the wall and the couch, you’d need a cleaning lady to clean those off, all of which costs a lot of cash. The thing about stay-at-home mums is that they do all these things with the best intentions at heart, it’s her act of service to the home, a way of ensuring that everyone feels safe and comes back home to a warm loving clean environment.

Remember how I mentioned that for a man, his job is to provide and for a stay-at-home mother, her currency is time. Raising children is a full-time job that requires constant attention and effort. From morning time to evening, they don’t get a break, the first few years are usually the worst since they don’t get alone time away from the children yet they are the ones who are primarily responsible for the emotional, physical, and intellectual development of their children which is usually exhausting and takes a lot from the mother. Can you imagine working with little people who don’t know how to control their emotions, have growth spurts, and cry anytime they are rubbed the wrong way? And the mother is running on 5 or fewer hours of sleep? It is a full-time job that needs to be compensated.

The government and strangers currently play a bigger role in children’s lives than ever before. In the past, mothers had the primary role of nurturing and taking care of the home, I also appreciate men who step in and play an active role as fathers because their input also helps to create an emotionally stable child. However, as time has gone by, children are left are in daycares sooner than they can speak, and most of us have to live our kids with nannies to help us and by the time we get home, we’re too tired to play peek-a-boo or hide and seek. When mothers choose to stay at home they take up the role of teachers, nurses and disciplinarians, it becomes their mission to help raise stable future generations. Their work usually has long-term benefits for society as a whole, you can imagine that this mum will wake up early to cook a healthy breakfast, will be there helping the kids with their school projects, baking the cake for their birthdays all while ensuring that her children’s emotions are well managed, but when she needs to visit the hairdresser her husband may raise his eyebrow as if she doesn’t have her own needs to look after. A lot of the time, a stay-at-home mum may be secretly frustrated and mostly because she doesn’t have money of her own and not because she’s not working but just because people don’t value her role in society.

While she takes care of the home who takes care of her? Being a stay at home is challenging and as a working mum I concluded that even if I had the chance I wouldn’t be able to stay at home and just be a mum, a lot of who I am is tied to my career as well as my financial growth (plus I can’t trust a man enough to commit to providing for me as I take care of our kids) motherhood for stay at home mother’s is isolating and lonely which then affect their mental health. However, if a stay-at-home mum receives the support she needs from a loving husband who understands that instead of drinking pints with his boys he could trim his budget and send the mother of his children a monthly salary (not a stipend because she’s working!)This in turn is empowering and motivating.

Just because a mother decides that she’d rather stay home and take care of the kids doesn’t make her weak. It is about time that people realize the valuable role stay-at-home mums play in society, this also promotes gender equality, reduces financial strain and has positive health outcomes. Wouldn’t it be better if your child was taken care of by a woman who feels safe? Content and doesn’t have to constantly wonder where she’ll get money to buy clothes or do her hair? If you weren’t paying her you’d be paying for child support in a divorce or paying a nanny who could care less if your child has hives from eating too much protein. When you take care of a mother who has committed her life to your kids, please don’t mistreat her, give her financial compensation that is appreciating her role in your life. Don’t be the kind that pays for things in advance life she’s a child, send her money every month, money for food, bills, the kids and any other things and if you can’t afford to then you’d both rather work and let the kids be raised by a nanny that you’d both have to pay anyways.